Only two episodes left for the season – can you believe we’re already on episode 8? This week furthered the action a bit more, and we got the hilarious wedding of Tyrion and Sansa (oh joy haha). Read on for the recap of “Second Sons”!
Arya and the Hound
Arya tries to drop a rock on the sleeping Hound, who wakes up and looks at her, telling her to go right ahead – but if she misses, he’ll kill her. She grumpily drops the rock. Later while they are riding a horse, the Hound tells her that he saved Sansa from gang rape and that he is taking her to Camp Stark to get some money for her. She doesn’t think that is too bad – she’ll be reunited with her mom and Robb again. But she still resents the Hound.
Dany and the dragons
Dany finds out about the Second Sons, a group of around two thousand soldiers fighting on behalf of Yunkai. The captains of the group are total assholes, declare they will not fight for Dany, and generally disparage her and call her names (in her presence and not). They then go back to their camp and draw straws to see who gets to sneak into her tent and kill her in the night. Real nice.
We later see Dany in a bath when Daario (Fabio! He is very blond, muscled and pretty) sneaks in. We suppose that, since he has drawn the short straw, he is going to attempt to kill her now. Where the eff are Jorah and Barristan? Shouldn’t they be standing guard over her and her handmaiden? Useless. Dany defiantly stands to face him, fully undressed. He seems pretty amused and then dumps the contents of his bag on the floor – the heads of the two other captains that were talking trash about her. Daario declares that he will fight for her, and so will the Second Sons. Good times! He’s a hottie, maybe they’ll have a fling?
The Red Woman is such an ass. She strips naked, seduces poor Gendry, and then ties him to a bed. She places leeches on his body (and in one sensitive place in particular – ouch!) and declares that there is power in king’s blood. Stannis comes in and they throw the blood-filled leeches into a fire. He names a person for each leech – Robb Stark, Theon Greyjoy, and Joffrey. Voodoo or something? Who knows. The Red Woman and Stannis are so irritating.
It’s time for a wedding! Tyrion and Sansa’s, that is. Before the proceedings, Margaery buddies up to Cersei, taking her arm and telling her that since she and Lorus are going to be married too, they’ll be sisters too! Cersei sneers that if Margaery ever calls her ‘sister’ again, she’ll make sure that her throat is cut her in sleep. That Cersei, always the sweetheart. Ugh.
Joffrey is taking after his mom in fine asshat fashion, giving Sansa away and then removing the steps on the altar that Tyrion was supposed to use to cloak Sansa in her wedding cape. Joffrey then laughs when Tyrion attempts to cloak her, mocking him out loud. Since everyone likes Tyrion, this makes us fans hate Joffrey more – but Sansa curtsies downward so Tyrion can proceed. They are both miserable about their marriage, so I guess she decides to not make it any worse.
Later at the reception, Tyrion is exceptionally wasted, wiping his face on the tablecloth, belching, and declaring himself “the god of tits and wine, and I shall build a shrine to myself!” I love Tyrion. Sansa briefly excuses herself at this, and Joffrey follows her and threatens to rape her. Smug little asshole…I hate his face and wish Sansa would punch him in it. Elsewhere, Lorus tries to make the best of things and tries to talk to Cersei. She informs him that no one wants to hear what he has to say, and walks away.
Back in the hall, Joffrey tries to get everyone to carry Sansa and Tyrion off for the bedding ceremony, to which Tyrion says that if he does, he’ll be “F—king his own bride with a wooden cock” hahaha! Another point for Tyrion. Tywin manages to appease Joffrey’s rage at this by saying how drunk Tyrion is, and he and Sansa do wander off to their chamber. Tyrion asks how old Sansa is – she’s 14. Tyrion informs her that he can’t sleep with her and won’t until she wants him to. He then passes out, fully clothed. The next day, a very grumpy Shea comes in to change the bedsheets. Seeing no blood on them, she is relieved that Tyrion has not slept with Sansa.
Beyond the Wall
Samwell and his girl have doubled back and found that no one is at the former mormon compound, and decide to make a fire and stay there for the night. However, many crows have gathered outside and are squawking in a very loud and agitated manner. Finally, the noises become too much and Samwell takes his sword to have a look-see…and finds a White Walker heading straight for them! Ahh! The Walker freezes and breaks his sword with his hand, and is after the girl and the baby. Samwell finds a dagger and stabs it in the back of the neck – the Walker shatters and blows away, leaving the dagger behind. Samwell and his gf hightail it out of there!
My thoughts: An enjoyable episode from a King’s Landing perspective; in my opinion, the more Tyrion, the better. There was also some sexy action from Dany’s camp that neither myself (hot shirtless soldier dude!) or my husband (boobs!) objected to. The Red Woman/Stannis is the worst plotline in this thing, next to Theon, who we thankfully haven’t seen. No Jamie and Brienne, tsk tsk. Maybe next week?
Episode Rating: 8 out of 10 dire wolves!
Next up: The Rains of Castamere, part one of the two-part finale. Sounds sad…we’ll see.