Here we are again, fans of Westeros! I was underwhelmed by episode 5 of Game of Thrones, “The Climb” so I decided to roll it into my recap of the most recent ep, “The Bear and the Maiden Fair”. They were two okay outings, with a few standout moments. Here we go!
We very briefly see Samwell and the woman and baby he rescued from the incest compound. It’s a pretty dull scene! He gives her an arrowhead, and he sings a little. They seem very alone in the cold snowy woods.
Very short scene with Bran, Tonks, and their new redhead warg friend. The redheaded boy has a seizure while having a vision; apparently the visions take their toll. He sees Jon Snow and the wilding group in his vision, however. More on him later!
Arya & the worshippers of the Lord of Light
Well, Arya is still miserable since the Red Woman rolls into camp making all sorts of proclamations and demands. Maybe someday Arya will shut her up for good! For now, the RW is impressed that Beric has been brought back from the dead no less than six times. Beric doesn’t sound that thrilled – he says all there is on the ‘other side’ is darkness. The RW doesn’t really believe him, though. Then she demands they hand over Gendry, bastard of King Robert. For a bag of gold, they willingly oblige despite Arya’s angry cries and protests. Gendry himself does not want to leave either. The RW pauses a moment to tell Arya that she will kill people, and that they (Arya and the RW) will one day meet again. Creepy!
Robb isn’t have the best time of it. He sees some representatives from House Frey, who want an apology and also Harrenhal (oh, is that all?). Robb says that while he won’t marry the lord’s daughter, his uncle (Catlin’s brother) will do so. He ain’t thrilled! He refuses at first but then agrees.
Theon is still tied up in this tedious storyline. The jerk holding him captive says some stuff about being a Karstark (the lord of which was beheaded by Robb earlier, as you may recall), but then says he could be lying. He cuts off Theon’s pinkie finger to much screaming. Ugh can Theon please just die already?
Jamie and Brienne
Jamie is still at Harrenhal, and his stump is healed slightly. Brienne is stuck in her pink dress, and the two of them are bargaining for freedom. They are told that Jamie is going back to his father, as a show of good faith, but Brienne must stay for ransom (of the supposed thousands of sapphires her dad owns). Sigh. Jamie’s lie is going to come back and bite his ass! Or hers.
Lady Olenna of House Tyrell (Margaery’s hilarious grandmother) meets with Tywin Lannister. She is appalled that he wants to marry Lorus to Cersei, saying Cersei is too old and damaged goods (she brings up the rumors about her incest with Jamie). She also calls Lorus a “sword swallower through and through” but dismisses it with good humor. Tywin replies that he’ll then name Lorus to the King’s Guard, where he will be forbidden to marry and will not carry on the family name. Lady Olenna is displeased, but agrees to marry him to Cersei.
Meanwhile, Lorus and Sansa are sitting in the garden. They still think they are getting married, and Lorus waxes poetic about how he dreamed of a large wedding since he was a boy; even describing the colors and style of the dress she’ll wear (wow he’s not gay at all). Cersei and Tyrion are watching them above from a window in the castle, bemoaning how they are both screwed with their marriage prospects. Tyrion hilariously says that Lorus in particular will “know a deep and singular misery” in being married to Cersei, which I enjoy a lot! He blames Cersei for the whole state of affairs, saying they are all to be shipped off to hell in a boat she built. He isn’t wrong – she’s pretty awful.
Tyrion then has the unhappy task of telling Sansa – in Shea’s presence, no less – that they must be married. We don’t get to see their initial reactions (booooo) but later we see Sansa crying and watching a boat out the window.
In the throne room, Little Finger regards the Iron Throne. He is joined by the Spider, who talk about the politics of the kingdom in a series of metaphors. These two bitches are running this show! Little Finger says that chaos isn’t a pit, but a ladder, and “the climb is all there is”. He also mentions that he can provide an outlet for Joffrey that others cannot, and thus will continue to be useful to the kingdom. We then see Joffrey evilly stroking his new crossbow while Roz the redheaded prostitute hangs, dead and full of arrows, from his bedposts. Lovely.
Speaking of the Climb, the focal point of this episode is Jon Snow, Ygritte, and other wildlings climbing the Wall. It is a treacherous, icy climb. Before they go up, Ygritte says that he’s a proper lover, and she is his woman, and that he should be loyal to her above all else. She also says “don’t ever betray me” or she’ll cut his manhood off and wear it around her neck. Lol! I agree that would be a bad idea!
Later, as they climb the wall, Ygritte’s ice axe makes a crack and they fall. The other pair they are tethered to cut them free to save themselves, but Jon manages to hold on and save them. Later, they make it to the top of the Wall and see the green fields beyond – and make out, of course!
Thoughts: this episode was ten tons of setup. It wasn’t awful but I was a little bored aside from the dramatic ice fall/rescue, and the scenes with the Lannisters. Joffrey is of course, nasty! I hate him. I really liked Roz and was hoping she’d be around a bit longer – she was shrewd and had potential. Booooo on killing her! And in such a terrible way.
Episode Rating: 4 out of 10 dire wolves. Did not love.
The Bear and the Maiden Fair
JS and the wildlings are tromping through the fields and moors, where he says it will be a week’s walk to Castle Black (which by the way, sounds like a super fun place). Ygritte is getting hit on by the warg dude (who cut her and Jon loose from the wall! Ass!), who says he’d be a better mate to her than Jon. Gross. She turns him down, of course. Later on, she and Jon are bantering when they pass an old stone windmill. She has never really seen buildings before, and asks if it’s a palace! Jon adorably makes fun of her, and tells her that she’ll be swooning when she sees all the buildings and palaces in King’s Landing. Then he has to explain what swooning is! A very fun scene. I like Ygritte lots – we already killed on redhead last week, can we spare her in future episodes, please?
Still captured. Still being tortured, this time with naked women. Theon’s captor stops the fun just as one girl is on top of him, buck naked, and then makes like he’s going to cut off his junk. We don’t see if that actually happens, of course. Oy. Terrible.
Arya & worshippers of Lord of Light
Arya is still really angry that Beric gave up Gendry for some gold. She runs away into the woods, and Beric sends men to follow her. However, she is captured by the Hound, who is still lurking nearby. Nooooo! I hate him too.
The Red Woman takes Gendry to King’s Landing by boat, and she points out his father’s house to him – the palace. Gendry did not know his true parentage, and now he knows that he is King Robert’s bastard.
Dany & the dragons
Danearys wants to free the slaves of Yunkai, and ancient city with a proud tradition. She makes a show of strength outside the city walls, as the Unsullied line the path to her ten as she receives a nobleman from the city. He offers her gold and ships to spare the city; she also gives him “a gift” – his life, and tells him that unless he has all of the slaves in the city freed, she will attack. Her dragons are sitting around her, snapping their jaws and scaring the crap out of the nobleman. He is angry and resolute at her demands, and says she will see a fight.
They are all squabbling, and to end his nonsense ideas about not going back to his family, Tonks tells Bran and the other kids about life beyond the Wall, and how her good husband that she loved was captured and turned into a whitewalker. Sucks for her! Bran still doesn’t seem to care that much, though. Tiny little irritating….grrr. This storyline wears thin.
Sansa is crying to Margeary about Tyrion, but Margy doesn’t seem that upset. She says that he’s still noble and wealthy, and that he can teach Sansa a great deal sexually. Sansa is both revolted and naïve at these prospects. Margeary tells her that he will give her noble sons, and she himself plans to have sons by Joffrey and teach them a great deal. Tyrion is also whining about the match to his friend Bron, who pretty much says that Sansa is young, beautiful, and noble, and that Tyrion should stop whining. Later, Tyrion and Shea argue about him marrying Sansa as well. She hates the idea that he will be married and she will be nothing but his whore. He says he has family obligations, being “a Lannister of Casterly Rock”. Shea is not impressed, replying “and I am Shea the funny whore,” and that she knows she will be discarded sooner rather than later. She’s probably right, sadly.
Joffrey is sitting on his throne like the douchebag he is when Tywin enters. Apparently, Joffrey has taken a sudden interest in the way things are run, and asks about small council meetings and word on Danaerys. Tywin has little to says, telling him that he is welcome to attend any council meetings (which are held in his private tower and not in the palace; smart move if you ask me) and sneers that if Joffrey doesn’t wish to climb up all the stairs that someone can carry him. Joffrey kind of brushes him off; these two are just smug jerks all the way around, but Tywin’s lack of patience with his bratty grandson is pretty funny.
Robb is becoming frustrated – the weather is total crap and all the rain is delaying their arrival at House Frey for the wedding. To relax a bit, he and his wife, Talisa, have some tent sex and she reveals to him that she is pregnant with his child. He is thrilled at the news – awwww.
Jamie and Brienne
The good stuff! Jamie is sent on the road back to King’s Landing and his father while Brienne stays behind. They have a gruff but nice goodbye scene. However, while talking to the guys who are taking him back, Jamie finds out that since Brienne’s father didn’t offer any sapphires for her return, she will probably be raped and killed that night. He insists they turn around and head back to Harrenhal. Hooray!
When he gets there, Brienne is in a pit, still wearing her pink dress and fighting a huge bear! They’ve given her a wooden sword and are chanting at her to humiliate her. She has survived this far, and has scratches on her face and neck. Jamie jumps down into the pit to help (wow! Selfless maneuver!), and along with some arrows above shot into the bear, manage to climb out of the pit just before the bear attacks them. Great scene, and we all love Jamie more now!
Thoughts: solid episode, some political fun times in King’s Landing, and I loved the ending with Jamie, Brienne, and the bear. Still a lot of setup. I am worried that this show is drowning in its characters. We spend so little time with everyone it is hard to keep up the momentum from week to week. I’m hoping the last three episodes of the season. That’s right – only three left!!
Episode rating: 6 out of 10 dire wolves. Points granted for Jamie and Brienne, plus I enjoy Ygritte! Can’t believe we’re nearing the end so soon…curse you, HBO and your short seasons!