Greetings, fans of Westeros! Welcome to my double recap of episodes two and three – “Dark Wings, Dark Words” and “Walk of Punishment”. I have to say, I felt that so little actually happened in episode two that it only warranted a short summary, not an entire post/recap. Not a ton of action in that one! Good thing episode three was really important – I’ll get to that craziness in just a minute. But first things first!
Episode 2: Dark Wings, Darks Words
Beyond the Wall
Poor old Samwell, still getting crap from his fellow Night’s Watch brethren. One asshat in particular is goading him on, pushing him around. The commander stands up for him, and tells the bully that Samwell is in his charge, and if anything happens to him, the commander will kill the bully. Glad Samwell still has someone grumpily looking out for him.
Only a brief glimpse of Jon Snow, Ygritte, and the wildlings – they are watching a warg, or person who can commune with animals and see what they see, with his eye white and blank. Jon has never seen a warg, and neither have we. That leads us to…
Bran & Littlest Stark, Hodor, and Tonks
…Bran and his whole ability to dream through the eyes of the wolves, and seeing the crow with the third eye mean he is also a warg. He is met in the forest by the adorable redheaded kid from Love Actually! He tells Bran he’s a warg too, and tells the group to follow him. There are several scenes of them trudging around the countryside talking. Hopefully something more interesting will occur there soon
In King’s Landing
Supposed queen-to-be Margaery and her grandma invite Sansa for tea, trying to figure out what the deal is with Joffrey. Sansa finally breaks under the women’s questioning and says he’s a monster. They only look a little worried, I suppose they feel Joffrey can be dealt with. Margaery ,meets with Joffrey later in his chambers and he shows her a new crossbow – it is all very suggestive and phallic. Margaery seems shrewd, I hope she will gain the upper hand with Joffrey soon – she seems well on her way already. We also see Tyrion making out with handmaiden/whore Shea. Same old, same old from these two.
They are off to Catlin’s father’s (Robb’s grandfather’s) funeral at House Tully. We’ll see they arrive in ep three.
Someone had the good sense to tie this asshole up and torture him! We don’t know who or why, but it’s pretty nasty stuff. A servant manages to speak to Theon without his captors’ knowledge, saying he’ll be back to help him out.
Daenerys and the Dragons
Dany’s savior, Barristan, pledges to serve her properly until the Iron Throne is hers once again. She spends more time in Astapor, disgusted by the slavery she sees there. We don’t get any dragons in this episode, much to my sadness (and in defiance of the episode’s title, as I speculated in my previous recap).
Aria & Co
Hooray, we see Aria! She and Robert Baratheon’s bastard son, Gendry, and Hotpie are taken prisoner by a band of fighters wandering the countryside – they say that they are the Brothers without Banners. After following them a bit, they wind up at an inn. There is a sudden commotion, and some other men bring in The Hound, also prisoner. Aria tries to sneak past without him seeing her, but he calls her out, much to the surprise of her captors.
Brienne and Jamie Lannister
These two, always with the bickering. I enjoy their nonsense, but Jamie is insulting to Brienne as usual, and she is barely putting up with his horseshit. He manages to gain the upper hand and takes her sword from her sheath, while still in handcuffs. She has a second sword on her person, draws it, and they swordfight. So much for keeping a low profile on the road – they are dueling in plain sight on a stone bridge. Brienne is winning against the arrogant Jamie when some men ride up and take them prisoner. We end on that rather interesting note!
Thoughts: much setup, no real action until the end with Jamie and Brienne. It is great to see Aria again and watch her stand up to hoodlums four and five times her age. Bran being a warg is cool, but not really surprising.
Episode rating: 4 out of 10 dire wolves. Didn’t like this one much.
Episode 3: Walk of Punishment
Hold on to your butts, everyone! This was a solid ep with a bit of crazy right at the end. Here goes:
Beyond the Wall
Jon Snow, Aberforth, and the wilding contingent stumble on to many dead horses and “dead crows,” with the beheaded horse bodies spread out in a spiral pattern from a center mound of their heads. Pretty disgusting. The dead Night’s Watchmen are not actually there, and are now what we assume are zombies/whitewalkers. Gross all around. 300 men are gone, and the wildlings decide that they are going to climb the wall for protection.
The Night’s Watch convoy with Samwell, the commander, and others arrives at that jerk’s house in the woods – the guy with tons of wives/daughters that he is constantly sleeping with, and giving the male bodies to the whitewalkers as food or offerings or whatever f—ed up arrangement they have going on. The commander starts calling him out on the evil lurking in the woods, which does not go well, but it is many Night’s Watch against one man and his harem, who I bet would all jump on the chance to turn on him. Samwell sneaks out to the shed where a woman is giving birth – the same one he had a small flirtation with the last time they were there. She unfortunately gives birth to a boy. We don’t see what his fate is – if he is going to be turned out to the whitewalkers or not.
In King’s Landing
There is a meeting between Tywin Lannister, The Spider, Little Finger, Cersei, and Tyrion. Cersei does not seem to appreciate the seating arrangement (which puts her at a distance from her father and the head of the table) so she brings a chair around to sit at his right hand. Not to be outdone, Tyrion drags a chair to the other head of the table, and they talk about the state of the city. Tywin makes Tyrion the new Master of Coin, which is a fancy way of saying chief accountant. He is not pleased, but later goes to get the ledgers from Little Finger at his whorehouse along with Bronn and his squire, Podrick, who saved Tyrion’s life in the battle of blackwater. As a reward, Tyrion pays for several whores to show Podrick the time of his life.
Tyrion is going through the ledgers and realizes that the crown is deeply in debt to numerous groups, including his family – Little Finger has borrowed millions from them. He has also borrowed even more – tens of millions – from the Iron Bank of Brothers, and from the sound of it they don’t sound like a good group to be indebted to. They are interrupted when Podrick returns, a new spring in his step. He hands Tyrion back the money he had used to pay the whores, insisting they wouldn’t take it. Tyrion and Bronn are shocked, and demand that Podrick tell them what exactly he did to the girls to enchant them (and pleasure them) – it’s a pretty hilarious scene! I enjoy Podrick, he’s got a gee-whiz look about him, which is refreshing in this world of schemers and liars.
Stannis (ugh him again) bids farewell to the Red Lady (ugh her again), as she insists she must leave him while he gets better. Stupid plotline all around, this one.
I could also do without Theon, who is released as promised from his torturers. He grabs a horse and rides away, only to have absolutely no idea where he is. A gang spots him and chases him into the forest, where they are about to rape him (ew) when arrows fell the entire gang. Some guy loyal to his sister saves him. Aw boo, I wanted him to depart this earth so we didn’t have to look upon him any longer.
The episode began with Catlin’s father’s funeral. His body is sent away down the river, baring the banner of House Tully, and Catlin’s brother attempts to light his body on fire with an arrow. After several failed attempts, Catlin’s uncle, Blackfish, grumpily does it for him. Catlin’s brother and Robb later disagree about his lack of battle strategy – Robb does not need him looting and gallivanting about when they could strike as one force or defend their strongholds from Greyjoy’s army (although who the hells knows who is leading them now).
Daenerys and the Dragons
Daenerys has decided that she is going to buy all 800 of the Unsullied Warriors. The insulting idiot she spoke with last time tells through her interpreter that she cannot afford them with just her ship and her Dothraki warriors for payment. She them offers him a dragon, which he cannot refuse. Both Jorah and Barristan disagree with this idea, but she tells them off for questioning her in front of this slave trader in the midst of a business deal. She also insists that the slaver give her the translator as a present, and the girl comes with her. They chat briefly, and Dany responds in her language, letting us in on the fact that she probably knows exactly how insulting the slaver has been with her this whole time. Nice. Dany really has a pair – she is a great character. Can’t wait to see what’s next with her! Something tells me she isn’t really going to part with that dragon.
Aria & Co
Aria and Gendry move on from the village inn with the Brotherhood without Banners, but their chubby friend Hotpie stays on at the inn when they see how he is a good cook. He and Aria have a touching goodbye, and he gives her some bread he baked in the shape of a wolf. It is sad they are splitting up, but he is not battle material and probably wouldn’t make it. I’m sure he’ll eventually find a village girl and they will raise adorable fat-cheeked children! The Brotherhood also still has the Hound, who is grousing the entire time, of course.
Brienne and Jamie
Saved the best for last! We first see the two tied back-to-back on a horse, following after the band of men who captured them. They are once again bickering, but with good reason. Jamie says that Brienne is going to be raped and probably killed, and that it is best that she just lie there and take it without fighting back. She obviously refuses to let them rape her, asking Jamie what he, great kingslayer, would do if someone were to try and rape him. Later that night, they are bound to trees when the men come to rape Brienne. She is putting up a mighty fight while Jamie talks to their leader, impressing upon them that Brienne is a noblewoman, and is worth more to them with her honor and her life intact, as her father is very rich and would pay handsomely for her safe return. I am impressed with Jamie’s verbal rescue of Brienne, as the leader calls off his men and they retie Brienne up unscathed. Jamie thinks he’s getting somewhere with the leader, who then offers to untie him and brings him over to the fire under the pretenses of some food. Just when we think that Jamie has talked himself into a better position with these bandits, the leader slams him facedown on a slab of rock, mocking him and saying that he is nothing without his father’s money. But Jamie’s father isn’t there to save him, and to prove this, the leader takes his sword and CUTS OFF JAMIE’S RIGHT HAND OMG AND ALL THIS BLOOD FLOWS OUT OF HIS ARM WHILE HE SCREAMS. AHHH!!!!
Cut to black! Damn!!
Thoughts: Well, shit. That finally happened. I knew Jamie was going to lose his sword arm, since it is a major plot point in the books and a turning point for his character. My husband has read the books and has kept most spoilers to himself, but this is one plot point he’s been waiting for. When Jamie and Brienne are taken by the bandits, I knew it was only a matter of time, but the way it happened still managed to be surprising. I am interested to see this week’s episode and the aftermath – I hope they don’t skip showing Jamie this week, since they know we all want to see more. Seeing Jamie evolve as a character, humbled and beaten down by the loss of his famed ability, will surely be different than we all imagined it when we first met his arrogant, swaggering self. I almost feel a bit bad for him, which of course means he is a well-written character and that Nicolaj Coster-Waldau (Lord, these people’s names) is doing a great job portraying him.
I think Tyrion’s new job as Master of Coin will also lead us down an interesting path, and I hope he digs up some good dirt on the various players surrounding the throne. Knowing Tyrion, he will use it to great personal advantage!
Episode rating: 8 out of 10 dire wolves! Good job, everyone! Except Theon and Stannis. Y’all can crawl off somewhere and die now!
Next week’s ep: And Now His Watch Is Ended. Ruh-roh. Doesn’t bode well for the Night’s Watchmen. We’ll see!